bagginshieldisreal:

acornshields:

but seriously what if tauriel actually went with kíli to erebor

and legolas comes along because he is an over-protective adoptive brother to “chaperone” [read: glare at kíli]

and kíli’s all like YYYEEEESSSSSHH because he scored gold and they’re on the boat and he’s like way ahead of himself teaching tauriel khuzdul and the other dwarves allow it because in all likelihood thorin and the rest of their company is dead

meanwhile there’s this awkward silence between legolas and the other dwarves while tauriel and kili chat in the background (“KILI MAHAL DAMMIT HELP ROW THE GODDAMN BOAT”)

and legolas just mumbles about how pissed ada will be and the dwarves assure him, no, no matter how pissed he is thorin will be ten times worse because thorin has this thing where he hates all elves because of this one elf named thranduil– 

“that is my ada”

cue mutual stares of horrification & apocalypse bonding because they’re fucked

so they reach erebor and bilbo runs up and then legolas and tauriel and him have this moment of “who the fuck are you”

so kili’s like “tauriel this is mr.boggins uncle’s boyfriend mr.boggins this is my girlfriend tauriel SHE IS RADIANT ABOVE THE STARS SENT FROM THE HEAVENS UNTO THIS MIDDLE-EARTH AND IMMA GONNA MARRY HER. WHERE’S UNCLE?”
and he pushes past bilbo and bilbo’s like WAIT WHAT I’M NOT HIS– NO WAIT oh shit 

so kili just sprints into the treasury, and thorin begins to speak “gold. gold beyond meas-” “UNCLE I GOT A GIRLFRIEND. BTW, HAVE YOU AND BILBO BONKED YET?”

and thorin needs to recover from shock of 1.being interupted during one of his majestic speeches 2.kili has a girlfriend 3.what was that last thing kili said

so bilbo runs around the corner and is like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HAVE THORIN AND I “BONKED” YET?“ and kili just assures him “it’s  nothing to worry about master boggins”

anyway the shock of his nephew having an elf girlfriend shocks thorin out of his gold-sickness and everyone lives happily ever after the end

#And Fili stares into the camera like on the office#and THEN Bilbo gets bonked#while Tauriel is smiling and is just happy to be here#and Legolas joins Fili in on the staring thing